My somewhat never-ending journey through school.

As I've written before, this road I've been on through college hasn't exactly been traditional. I graduated high school 5 years ago, convinced that I was going to move to L.A. and become an actress. And I actually did move to L.A. that first summer, where I took summer classes at UCLA in theater and film. It was a fabulous experience, and to me it really solidified the difference between being a high school kid and young adult. That was also the summer I began dating Billy.

After I completed the acting program in August of 2004, I moved back home to Corona and decided to take some time "off". I was still only 17, and I figured I had gone to school since I was four, so why not take a little break? I still had my entire life in front of me, and I had plenty of time to go out and conquer the world. Things were good.

Soon I turned 18, got a part-time job at The Cheesecake Factory and my family moved back to Chino, my hometown. Billy and I began to get really serious. We got an apartment together, and I enrolled in community college to take a few classes while still working at the restaurant. Before I knew it, another year passed. And then another. My grand plans of becoming a movie star were slowly fading away. Billy and I were talking about marriage and our future on a regular basis. This was quite a detour from the way I had pictured my life panning out, but somehow, it wasn't bad. It was actually pretty great.

Soon, several years had passed and Billy and I were engaged, and then married. I had lots of community college courses under my belt, but I was still struggling with passing the College Algebra class I needed to transfer to a university. I'm not going to lie, it took me two years to get through that one class. I'm pretty sure my teacher ended up giving me a C because he felt sorry for me.

I decided awhile ago that I wanted to major in Communications, and hopefully get a job in broadcasting someday. I mean, if I can't be an actress, then I may as well pursue another profession in the entertainment world, right? But then something I couldn't have planned for happened. The state of California fell into a ridiculous deficit, and it affected EVERYTHING. All of a sudden when it came time to apply to a university for Fall 2009, every Cal State was closed to new applicants, due to the budget cuts. I went online, seemed to find a loophole for the school I wanted to attend, and applied as an English major (one of the only available majors left) for an off-campus site. I sent in my application and transcripts in February.

Cut to July. I still had heard NOTHING. Fall semester starts in August, and I had absolutely nowhere to go, being that I've completed every undergrad class I need at a community college, and all I have left are my major courses that must be completed at a university. I came to accept that I wouldn't be transferring this year, and I would have to have high hopes of transferring next semester. Another year older, and further behind. Oh well.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my mailbox last Wednesday, to find my acceptance letter for Fall 2009. I was so happy the next day, when I went to the main campus to speak with an advisor, get my student ID card, and switch my major over to Communications. This was a big moment for me. Sure, I technically should have graduated college last year, but at least I finally felt like all my hard work was paying off. Because even though I don't particularly think college has been all that hard, sticking with it has been. Especially when I went the route I did and lived with my boyfriend, worked, paid rent, and got married when other people my age were living in dorms and going home to their parents' houses in the summer.

I couldn't help but recall the letter I wrote to myself over 3 years ago, while I was sitting in a boring class and considering dropping out of college. This letter has kept me going every time I didn't feel like studying or going to class, or continuing with stupid math after failing it 3 times.

I still have the letter. I carry it around with me in my binder. In it, I wrote down everything that I wanted in life. Everything. Things that wouldn't be guaranteed just because I'd have a college degree, but things that might be more attainable because of it. Basically, they were the reasons I wanted to go to college. And underneath that, I wrote the reasons I didn't want to go to college. And here's what it says:

"I want to give back to the world. I want to accomplish something. I want to be proud of myself. I want to make a difference. I want to set a good example. I want to live to my fullest potential. I want to be smart. I want to be happy. I want to feel safe and secure. I want a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I want an expensive car. I want to take vacations. I want my kids to go to college. I want a job that I love. I want to volunteer. I want to write. I want to understand. I want to want to work, not to have to. I want to have a purpose. I want to feel worthy. I want to be educated. I want to have a sense of direction. I don't want to be lazy.


"I don't want to study / do homework / focus / get up early / stress out. I don't know what I'm working toward. I want to relax / watch TV / sleep in / not worry about homework or tests. I don't want to put in the effort."


I'm really glad I wrote that letter.